Monday, July 18, 2011

How many months has it been?!?

I am so horrible! It's been months since I've written and  there have been some pretty big events in those couple months. 1st, I turned 18 back in May. Something I never really looked forward to or anything even though everyone else looks forward to it for years and years. Now I'm an official adult, whatever that means. It's not like I can do anything special now that I've reached 18....I don't have any new freedoms or responsibilities. Basically, I do the same things I did when I was 17. Being LDS, I don't smoke or gamble so it wasn't like I wanted to go out immediately and buy a pack of cigarettes or a scratch tickets. But enough about that mundane topic. Let's move on shall we?
Prom. Was. AWESOME! For so many months before the dance I was not looking forward to it at all because I didn't think I'd even end up going with a date cause no one was talking about it to me or dropping hints that maybe they would take a chance and ask. I remember hating hearing people talk about their plans for prom and whatnot. But then I reconnected with an old friend and thought, "What've I got to lose by asking him if he'd take pity on me?" Possible shunning. So I took a chance and asked if he'd like to go and you guessed it, he said yes! And how wonderful that was; our personalities meshed really well as shown in our pictures. I've never gone on a date or to a dance with someone who loves taking pictures as much as I do. And as a result we took a lot of pictures. Another plus was that he was an awesome dancer so that was really fun; especially seeing the jealousy on the other girls faces when he'd spin me around or dip me. Yeah that's right ladies, SUCK IT! Just kidding. But seriously, soo much fun. Wouldn't mind doing it again sometime. Haha

Next on the list...GRADUATION!! It's official, I'm a high school and seminary graduate and a very happy one at that. It didn't seem real at all walking out across the stage to get my fake diploma. It still doesn't seem real, I keep thinking that I'm going to have to go home soon and go back to GK for some more schooling. I don't think it will really hit me until September when I'm checking into my apartment at BYU-I. Even then it'll seem weird and not right. I'm not old enough to be out of high school and out fending for myself in the world. I'm lying here in my friends bed typing this thinking that I'm so not ready to be on my own. I still need my mommy and my daddy to guide me through everything. I didn't even know where to find batteries at Walmart the other day, if that doesn't scream "Not ready for life." I don't know what does. But then again, I know that I have to do this on my own. I know that I need to get out and experience failure and success without holding the hand of a parent. When I'm not thinking about how much I don't know yet, I'm not too worried about being so far away from everything with which I've become familiar. I'm pretty excited actually. Mostly I just really want to meet new people and have new experiences that I would not have had at home. I always thought I would know so much by the time I graduated from high school (and seminary) but...I really don't know very much. There is so much more out there that I need to learn and see. And what better place to do it than at a church sponsored school. I can't wait to start and end every class with a prayer to invite the Spirit into the room. How much easier will it be to pay attention and glean something new from the lesson if the Spirit of my Heavenly Father is present and willing to help me as long as I put the work in as well?

My sister had another baby a few days ago; a very healthy baby boy named Dax. I've never been lucky enough to be around brand new babies and I loved this opportunity. Being able to hold this precious little guy was so special. He had come from the presence of my Heavenly Father and Jesus only hours before I was holding him. This tiny little spirit, so new to this world, still knew Heaven and angels. He still knew for a surety of their existence. Or at least I believe newborns can. I believe that babies and infants can see the spirit world, or Heaven, all around us when they're young. I believe they can see angels. Looking down at Dax really started the old cogs going in my brain, and filled me with questions I would love to ask him but I know I wouldn't get an answer. What was in like in Heaven? Did you speak with the Savior much? What did you do while you waited to come to us? Have you been watching our family for long? At the same time I'm a little sad because he did have to leave that perfect place to come here, a very imperfect place full of sorrow, pain, heartache, wickedness, and sin. Although it's necessary for his progression, I still feel for the little guy. I look at him and want to protect him from ever knowing the bad parts of life but I know he must. For if he doesn't know the sorrow, how will he know the joy? The must be opposition in all things.

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