Cheerio!

In just a few short weeks, I will be competing in my first cheer competition ever. Needless to say, I'm FREAKED OUT! A couple weeks ago my coaches decided to have me base some stunts and it's still not there yet. All these years of watch the cheerios lift each other so effortlessly (or so it looks) has been real deceiving. It's HARD! The girl that I lift weighs, I swear, like 50 pounds but it's not easy to lift someone from knee level to above-your-head level.

So why did I decide to do something so crazy? Ever since 8th grade I've loved watching the cheerleaders and I wanted to be one soo bad. Everything that they did looked like a blast to me; the dancing, the cheering, the energy. My dad had always been against me trying out because he didn't "guys looking at my like that." Like they would haha. Last year, I was lucky enough to sit by one of my school's cheerleaders every day in my Chemistry class and I think she was one of the reasons I decided to try out. Lindsey really encouraged me to go for it. So did a couple other cheerleaders in the class. They really believed in me and that made me feel like I really could do it. I figured that I didn't have anything to lose by trying out (well, except my dignity if I turned out to be horrible). So I signed my name on the line and I filled out the paper work.

The week of tryouts were a blast. I had not had that much fun in a long time. I loved dancing. Dancing is one of my favorite things and having some real choreography was exciting for me. As fun as it was, it was also extremely exhausting; my body was not used to that kind of exercise. But, I guess, in the end it was all worth it. The day of our 'real' try-out came and we all sat in that hallway waiting for our turn to go in with our group to show the panel of teachers and administrators what we could do. That was definitely the worst part. And the waiting afterwards was just boring because I wasn't really tight friends with any of the girls. After everyone had performed we were lined up and the captains gave us each a flower and a phone number to call later that night to hear the list of girls that were to be cheerleaders.

When I walked through the front door, my mom looked at the flower and says, "Oh, I'm sorry." I asked what she was talking about and she replied, "Isn't it like the bachelor? You get a rose when you don't make it." I laughed at that. We decided that we were going to go out for a girls night while we waited for the time to come to call the number. My dad was out of town for the whole week of try-outs; convenient right? Well, we went out to eat and then sat in the parking lot of the theater (our favorite place) while we called the number. The coach began to name off the names of the girls that made the team. I waited. Then I heard it, my name. I started to scream, squeal, even cry. I was in shock almost. Was this real? I was going to be a cheerleader? Me? Did they really know who I was? I started getting texts from some of the other girls congratulating me and calls too. It was all so surreal.

All this excitement quickly turned into the biggest fear I've experienced since 3rd grade when I found out that I would need to get braces. That's another story. The day before I was to come home from my sister's house to start cheer practice for camp was when it all crashed down on me. I was terrified. I seriously considered running away when I was on my way to my first official practice. I was at a stop light and I looked at my bag and tried to calculate how far I would get with the money in it. Before I had even left my house I'd cried cause I was so scared.

I was scared of looking like a complete idiot and having the coaches regret adding me to the squad or the other girls thinking "Wow, what is this girl doing? We would be so much better without her holding us back." I knew that thinking these things was stupid because I was new and I wouldn't be expected to know everything right away but I was still frightened. This was completely out of my element because I had never done anything like it before. The fact that I wasn't extremely tight with any of the girls and that I felt super inferior to these beautiful and popular girls didn't help matters. I still struggle with that, though it has improved with the friends I've made on the squad.

After a few football games I became a little more comfortable with the whole cheer thing. I didn't feel like such a poser anymore. Soon I began to answer questions that some of the girls had about certain cheers that we did and let me tell you, that made me feel really good. It made me feel like I wasn't the only one that forgot stuff or messed up.

Ever since entering the gym on that first day of practice in the summer, I have tried my hardest to improve and get better at everything that they teach me. I go over cheers in my head all the time and I can often be heard chanting them over and over. I randomly start doing the dances that we learn. I should practice my jumping more that I do, cause Heaven knows I need help there. But I don't ever want my team or my coaches to feel like I'm holding them back. I've had a lot to learn in the past few months, things the other girls have been learning for years. It hasn't been easy but it's worth it.

I'm so happy that I finally decided to go for this dream I've had for so many years. I kind of wish that I had done it sooner so that I wouldn't be such a fish out of water this year. But you know, if I had been a cheerleader all of these years maybe I wouldn't have experienced some of the things that have molded me and made me who I am today? I don't know. All I can say is that I'm proud of my school and I'm happy that I have this amazing opportunity to show my spirit and cheer on my friends in their various sporting events. Years from now, I'll look back and remember my senior year; the year that I was truly involved in school. I'll remember all of the excitement on the sidelines of a football game, all the yelling of the volleyball games, all the basketball, wrestling, everything. I'm making so many new friends this year. And I think the confidence to do so is coming from cheering. What takes more confidence than getting up in front of your school and dancing or cheering? They may make it look easy but it takes a lot of work. If you mess up it kind of sucks. Take it from me. :) But I love it. Cheer is extremely fun. And I want it to stay that way. Thank you to the girls that make it more fun; Tori, Katelyn, Kim, Alyssa, Samantha, Emily,and Kirstyn. And another huge thank you to Lindsey and Nikki for leading us everyday through your example and words.

I'd Just Die...

For Thanksgiving, I went to see Harry Potter again with my parents (in the IMAX) and it was awesome of course. My mom and I are huge lovers of movies. We go ALL the time. Most of my friends ask me about movies because they know that I see everything. Well almost, no R rated ones or risque PG13. But when we were coming home from Harry Potter the first time my mom and I finally realized why we love going to movies so much; it's an escape. For a few hours you can step into the life of someone else. You can be a wizard, a pirate, a bank robber, chief, football star, singer, or a star-crossed lover. The same can be said for books and you all know that I LOVE reading but movies...they're special.

I tend to really get into my movies. My friends always make fun of me because I cry alot. I cried when I watched Letters to Juliet and that movie isn't even sad! But I connect to it, not exactly sure why but I do. I love the music and feel and dialogue and lighting of movies. You don't get that when you read a book.

When the movie Poseidon came out my mom and I were watching it (of course) and when it got to the part where they have to swim underwater for what feels like 5 minutes through the corridors of the upside down ship my mom turns to me and with the most serious face ever says, "I'd just DIE." With this huge emphasis on die. I took a second then burst out laughing. We still use that line to this day. Anytime it gets scary in a movie she says, oh I'd just die. It may not be funny to you but if you know my mom you'll understand. She's hilarious.

A Motion Picture Event of a Generation!

Tonight I'm going to see the first part of the last Harry Potter movie! I have been looking forward to this for months. Years even. Harry Potter and I go waaaay back. Let me explain:

It all started when I was about to go into 3rd grade. (Sounds so corny when I say it like that). But throughout second grade and before I HATED learning and reading. I despised ANYthing to do with school. I begged my teacher not to make me go to the library once a week as we did in my school. I argued that I would just forget about the books I checked out and that I'd get these huge fines. I did alright in school but I didn't care about it. Around this time Harry Potter was gaining popularity in the US and I was beginning to hearing a bit about it. There was NO way I was ever going to read that stupid book. It sounded like the biggest waste of my time, I mean come on I could be out making mud pies with my neighbors!

My sister's friend introduced her to the books and let her borrow the first one. For as long as I can remember, my sister read out loud to herself. I would hear the hum of her voice through her door when I'd walk by her room some days. I loved it. Anyway, I was with her when she started reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and from the moment the first sentence was out I was hooked. I remember sitting on the floor staring at her as she read, dreading the moment she would get tired and stop. The adventures that Harry, Ron and Hermione went on were just so exciting to my little 7 year old brain. When she finished the first one I couldn't wait to start the next one.

I checked it out of my school library as fast as I could and devoured it. Finishing in record time for someone as young as I. The 3rd and 4th books soon followed and were finished quickly as well. My teacher began to notice my vocabulary shooting through the roof. I still have the note from her to my parents. I began to love school and learning. I wanted to be smart and a kind of know-it-all. I wanted to be...well..amazing I guess.

Although I love Harry and Ron, Hermione was always my favorite. She always knew the right answer and always knew what to do. But she was also awkward and didn't really know how to act around other people her age. I totally identified with that. I still do. She has two things that I will probably never have and that is two BEST friends that are almost as close as siblings. See, I'm not the type of person to be super close to any one person. I may be close with them and know some about them but I don't know them as well as Harry knows Hermione or Ron knows Harry. For the longest time, I felt so alone; I wanted that kind of friendship. People often ask me how many times I think I've read the Harry Potter books and I honestly can't say because it's uncountable by now. They follow up by asking why I've read it so many times and normally I answer saying it's because they're so good, which is true but there is another reason. It' may seem silly to you but the books were my friend for a long time.

People may look at me and think that I have a bunch of friends, and I do but I don't have that level of friendship. I don't know how to explain it. I feel almost like an outsider looking in when I walk up to a group of my friends. Like I'm not wanted. Mostly that's cause I see how people will be talking about something but will immediately clam up or start to whisper to whoever they were talking to. I feel like they don't want to speak aloud in front of me because they may think that I'll judge them. Which is something I try very hard not to do! I want people to feel like they can tell me things. I want people to know I won't spread around what they tell me.

When I'm reading Harry Potter, I can see myself in their world, I feel what the characters feel. I relate to them. I can empathize with them. When I finish a Potter book, I always feel like there is something missing. Or when one of my favorite characters die, same thing. I don't know how to explain it but it's weird. I'm normally always reading a Harry Potter book on the side just so it's there. So I'm basically an expert on the series :)

I can't wait for this movie. I can't believe it's all really coming to a close. It's been 10 years. The movies have spaned from 3rd grade to after 12th grade for me once Part 2 comes out this summer. How weird is that? Like the books, I don't know how many times I've seen the movies. I love them too, though not as much as the books. They always have to leave some things out that I really enjoyed in the books. But I understand. Tonight is going to be a night to remember for sure and I'm happy to be able to share it with some of my friends. They are truely amazing people.

J.K. Rowling had no idea that simple words that she wrote would ever mean so much to so many people. She's wonderful. Thank you so much Jo.

Choices and consequences

Choices effect everything in my life. My choice to press the snooze button a few times effected my arrival at seminary and what I missed. My choice to write this post right now is effecting how much time I'll have to do my calculus homework which could be detrimental to my grade (unlikely) which could keep me from college which could keep me from meeting that special guy which could hinder me starting a family. See, things can snowball so quickly. Teenagers don't seem to realize this really simple concept. So many of my friends just act. They don't really think about what could happen as a result of them. They just throw caution to the wind and go. There is a time and a place for such behavior. It's crazy that some of the most important choices that we have to make in our life are made when we are soo young, so immature and so naive. The choices that we make today, tomorrow, next week will set the course of our whole life. The people we hang out with, the activities that we let consume our time. Everything has a consequence, whether it be good or bad. We don't get to pick. Sure you can be all impulsive and crazy but you just have to be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions.

Many people fail to do so, simply brushing things off saying, "so-and-so made me do it." "Everyone else was doing it and I didn't want to be left out." "I couldn't just leave, everyone would laugh at me." "I didn't want to be the outcast." It may be easy to pass the blame on to someone else but it takes a truly courageous person to admit that they made a mistake and to take the steps to set it right. It takes a certain strength that can only be found from within to stand up and shoulder the consequences. It's not easy. Oh goodness no. It's not meant to be. If it was then it wouldn't matter what we did. The whole point of the consequence is for us to learn. For us to grow. Yeah, it's painful but there must be opposition in everything. There can be no happiness without sorrow.

In school I am often teased when I am unwilling to break a rule, in or out of school. People will look at me with teasing eyes and grin and speak down to me like I'm stupid and scared. Heck yeah I'm scared. You never know if the time you break that rule will be the time you get caught. I don't want to risk my great record at school for some stupid action. It may be hard to stand up to those people who are you enemies but it's so much harder to stand up to your friends. To say no to people you trust and who you thought were on your side. I've been out with my friends and felt like a mother. I've even been referred to often as "mother." Do you have any idea who humiliating that is? How much it kills me when someone thinks I'm not good enough (or bad enough) to hang out with them? It sucks. To be torn down for sticking to my morals and what I know is smart is almost too much sometimes. Guys are the worst. When they find out that they won't get anything from me they tend to steer clear of me, almost as if I'm leprous or something. It hurts. I know that in the long run, the hurt and everything I go through for simply thinking about what the outcome of a choice may be will make me stronger but it sure doesn't make dealing with the feeling of being an outcast looking in any better.

Living my life to this standard is...well, it's lonely. Sure, there are others out there who may say they live these same standards but they don't follow through when they're outside the church walls. It's hard to watch my friends leave me behind to watch a movie that I feel is inappropriate. It's hard to be left out of parties and get togethers simply because the people in my life don't want to have to worry about "Bri's standards." That's always at the back of my mind too. When I am invited to movie nights at friends houses I'm always exceptionally reluctant to go because I don't want people there to think I'm this bossy little Mormon girl who is so boring and lame and won't let them do what they want. :(

Luckily, I have an amazing Mommy and Daddy here that help me out everyday. My mom has had to hold me close so many times after a hard day. I know that if I have one of those days that I just can't take anymore I can call my mom and she will take me to a movie to get my mind off of it . I know that my parents will be there for me no matter what, no matter when. I'm so thankful for that. I don't know where I would be without them.

I'm going to miss....

So Jostens came to my school today to meet with the senior class. *Sigh* Jostens takes care of all of our senior orders of graduation announcements and our cap and gowns. We have less that 200 school days till we graduate. I can't believe it. It all seems so....weird. I keep thinking that I'm not old enough for this, I'm not old enough to move out and grow up. I'm still just a kid with hardly anything figured out, no matter what other people think about me. In only 8 months I'm going to be walking out of my high school's doors for the last time. 13 years of schooling. 13 years of learning. 13 years of stress, laughter, highs and lows. I look back on Jr. High, I look back on Elementary, I look back on last year; I've grown so much and yet it all seems like just yesterday.

Although I am SOO excited to really begin my life I'm also dreading graduation because then it'll be over. The high school experience will be at its end. So many people out there hate everything to do with high school but I'm the total opposite. I love going to school. There is going to be so much that I'm going to miss next year. So much I will look back on and want to relive. So much that I wish I was still experiencing.

I'm going to miss sitting in my car before school either sleeping or jammin to some Taylor Swift or Bruno Mars. I'm going to miss seeing that full parking lot every afternoon (weird I know). I'm going to miss walking down the hall in the morning seeing people who are still obviously half asleep. I'm going to miss saying good morning to my friends as I pass them in the early hours of the day. I'm going to miss opening my locker to see an abundance of pictures on the inside. I'm going to miss standing by the lockers talking to my friends before going to class. I'm going to miss sitting in my classes totally spacing out then completely missing what the teacher just said and freaking out. I'm going to miss visiting with those guys that make me smile when I just want to cry. I'm going to miss screaming and sweeping my girl friends into giant hugs when I'd seen them minutes before. I'm going to miss my teachers that try so hard to be our friend as well as our instructor. I'm going to miss laughing so hard that I almost cry at something someone in my class randomly said in the middle of class. I'm going to miss dancing into my second period class every morning.

I'm going to miss skipping out on classes (with my teachers permission) only to go see Mrs. Stewart, Mr.White, or Mr. Kennedy. I'm going to miss watching movies in class and laughing at the bad acting. I'm going to miss the excitement everyone always feels when they see that the Banjo Man is their sub. I'm going to miss football games. I'm going to miss cheering for my boys under the Friday night lights. I'm going to miss the thrill and excitement of performing for my school. I'm going to miss the assemblies (especially pep) because of the energy in the room. I'm going to miss dancing down on the track before a football game or during our break at halftime. I'm going to miss going out with my friends on the weekends. I'm going to miss riding the bus with the football players.

I'm going to miss standing in the parking lot after school talking around my car. I'm going to miss hanging out in the training room laughing with everyone in there. I'm going to miss going to movies with my friends. I'm going to miss eating lunch with my friends. I'm going to miss going into the student store and the staff knowing exactly what I want before I even get to the counter. I'm going to miss watching the lunch games that are supposed to happen every Friday but never do. :) I'm going to miss spirit days! I'm going to miss having an excuse to dress like a maniac. I'm going to miss the formal dances and going crazy on the floor. I'm going to miss the everyday moments that can never be repeated or recreated.

I'm going to miss being in awe of Koki's projects for AP. I'm going to miss hearing "Bri Rogers, There she is!" in the halls. I'm going to miss late nights watching scary movies with Alyx curled into a ball on my hip. I'm going to miss slingin' my arm around Erica's shoulder in seminary and calling her Martha. I'm going to miss watching John and Erik play soccer. I'm going to miss seeing Booth jam to techno. I'm going to miss Michael Smith's crazy wordy questions. I'm going to miss Amanda's tic tac toe games. I'm going to miss giving Garrett dirty faces in the morning. I'm going to miss scolding Tori for copying my rallying at games. I'm going to miss yelling at Daniel's foot when I attempt to tape it. I'm going to miss laughing with Pele and Kyessa in government over something stupid that I didn't mean to say. I'm going to miss seeing everyone that I love everyday. I'm going to miss these amazing people that make up the highs and the lows of my life. I'm going to miss the people that make me laugh, who comfort me when I'm down, who wrap me up in hugs when I'm almost falling apart, who choose to talk to me when they could be talking to someone else. I'm going to miss the family of Eagles I see everyday.