This past Saturday I got to perform in my first ever cheer competition. I loved the atmosphere, the excitement, the anxiety, the adrenaline. I wish that I could've done it before this year; I feel like I'm just getting the hang of it and it's almost over and gone. It's kinda sad. But I guess I just have to cherish what I've been given.
I swear the bus ride up to the school we were performing at was the longest ever but it was still pretty entertaining. I had Kim in front of me (in the pic) who got hairspray everywhere and I had Kirstyn and Emily behind me belting out music. It was easy to forget about nerves when you're laughing.
Kim and I ready to leave GK for some Eastlake.
The waiting was the worst part luckily there wasn't very much of it. I was prepared for a lot longer. Of course waiting behind the floor was the hardest. Once I was out there with my head down I was ready. Everything we had been working for, everything I had learned thus far was going to be tested was about to happen. Our music started and I look into Alyssa's face as it falls toward me and she's got this huge smile on her face. It started. I haven't had that much fun in a while. I did everything just how I knew it was supposed to look. My legs were shaking like crazy but it was okay. The whole thing was over before I knew it and I wanted to do it all over again.
Waiting to go back out to hear scores.
Although we didn't place where we should have I think the majority of us had fun. I know I did. I just love performing. I sincerely cannot wait until our next one. We're really going to get it then, I know it.
Today has been a really great day for me. I have to share it with everyone out there reading this blog. At my school we participated in this event called OrangeandBlueStarts With You. (orange and blue are our school colors) and it was all about how to stop bullying and how to reach out to each other. The day started off for the seniors with a guest speaker who made us both laugh and cry. This guy was hilarious and he seemed like someone who could really relate to us. I'm sure that I'm not alone in saying that some of what he said really hit us as a class.
Something that he said that really hit home and will be remembered by our class for a long time was the parable of the Big Elephants. Only the seniors got to hear this but I think everyone should read about it so I'm going to tell you all about it. So there was this documentary on Animal Planet a while back and it was all about these elephants in Africa that were dieing because their habitat was being consumed by us crazy humans so some activists thought about what they could do and decided that it would be best if they moved the elephants to a reservations a few hundred miles away. Well, they moved a few elephants and then realized just how expensive it was to move elephants and they thought, "Hey what if we just moved the little ones?" So they took a bunch of little elephants and moved them to the reservation. All was fine and dandy but then a few weeks later the activists got a call from the reservation. Apparently the little elephants were circling and trampling white rhinos to death. They would wait for the rhino to leave the herd and take him down. The reservation would figure out who the lead elephant was and put him or her down but soon enough another would step up to be the leader and they'd have to euthanize that one too.
So the activists were called in to fix the problem. They struggled and struggled, trying to figure out what they could do about the punk elephants until one man asked a question. "Where are the big elephants?" Well, it was too expensive to bring them here. "Okay, then who is teaching these elephants how to be big elephants?" That was the key. These elephants were still acting like children, like teenagers because they had no one to set the example for them. So some big elephants were brought in, they didn't look anything different than the 'little' elephants. Not very long after the 'big' elephants were brought to the reservation a white rhino broke away from his fellows and sure enough the 'little' elephants took off to go kill him. The 'big' elephants looked over and they did something about it. They went and stood between the 'little' elephants, put their heads down and began to shake their trunks from side to side. The 'little' elephants backed off and left the rhino in peace. Soon the 'little' elephants were doing everything that the 'big' elephants did; following them everywhere.
What's the point of this story? Who do you want to be in life; the 'little' elephant that never learns how to grow up and chooses to mentally trample people with what you say to them or how you treat them? Or do you want to be a 'big' elephant; someone that stands up for someone in need even when you don't know who they are? I would hope that everyone out there would want to be a 'big' elephant. I know that all of the seniors at my school want to be the best 'big' elephant ever.
A big part of the day was about how we can't see what is going on beneath the surface; just like an ice burg we can only see 10%. That is so true. No one goes around proclaiming everything that is going on in their life. People keep secrets, people shell up. It's a defense. It's scary to be vulnerable like that. But like I've written before, what would it be like to see exactly what is going on with someone? What would it be to completely understand how someone is feeling? I'm posting a video on here that I think everyone should watch. Every day that you wake up, every time you step out of your bed you should put on your perspecticles. Look beyond yourself and your own problems. There is no way that you can know how hard it is to simply function for some people out there.
It's so easy to be sarcastic and take people down. I'm guilty of it. I think everyone is at one point or other. We're all human. We make mistakes. It's hard to forget yourself and think of others first. But it can be done. I can't comprehend what some people go through in their life. I've been blessed with a pretty good life and I try not to take it for granted. But that's not to say that I don't struggle as well. I have been teased and made to feel completely inferior by my peers, sometimes even without their knowledge. So many times, friends say things and don't even realize how hurtful they can be. I've been made to feel like a complete monster by someone I thought was my friend. I've been made to feel more like an object than an actual person by someone I had considered a friend. I know what it's like to pull over and sob in your car. I know what it's like to break down in the shower and let the water wash away your tears. I know what it's like to walk down the hall and feel like the school would be better that day if you had just stayed home. I know what it's like to just want to turn your music up real loud and drown out the world. I think that a lot of people look at me and see as someone how is happy about everything, nothing ever goes wrong in my life, that I've got everything together, and that I have no idea what sorrow and sadness is. Ah, if you really knew me you would know that I struggle almost daily with feeling wanted at school and cheer. Life was not meant to be easy. There has to be opposition in everything, it's how Heavenly Father created this world. For if we didn't know the feeling of sorrow, how would we ever know the exquisiteness of joy?
I just want to end with a poem that I read in a magazine that my church puts out for the youth called The New Era. It's titled Quest for the Best by Kathryn May Chapman.
Quest for the Best:
I left your arms so long ago
To venture into life,
Into this world of beauty
Of challenges and strife.
What is it you would have me do?
What treasure should I find?
The answer comes so quietly
And gently to my mind.
It isn't gold or diamonds
Or something you can see,
The Lord has sent me out upon
The quest for the best in me.
And that's exactly what we should be doing in this life. We're on a quest for the best in us. In order to find the best in ourselves what better way than to reach out to others? We won't find the best we can be if we constantly worry about how we look or how we present ourselves. There is no great joy than giving to others. Giving kindness. Giving love. Giving understanding. Try it sometime. Be a Big Elephant.
I'm reading this book right now that is really making me think. It's called "Yearbook" by Allyson B. Condie. Alright, it's not an intense, soul-searching novel; it's just a fun read. What intrigues me is the way it's written. Every chapter is written from a different character's point of view. Some people would say that technique of telling a story would get really confusing and frustrating but it actually makes you think. You see some event happen from Character 1's POV and the effect it has on Character 2. The reader understands why Char. 1 does what he does and you want Character 2 to just understand. Then the POV switches to Char. 2 and you are put in their shoes and you understand where they are coming from.
If, in life, we were able to see our lives typed out like that so many arguments and hurts would be avoided. If someone we cared about read our chapter they would understand how we feel. If we could read the chapter from our teacher we would realize that they are people just like us and we'd treat them with more respect. If we could read the chapter from the girl in the back of the room with her head down and music up would we feel a little more empathy? If we could read the chapter from the POV of the 'screw-up, delinquint' kid in our class would we understand that there are factors and circumstances surrounding him that we simply can't comprehend? What would it be to read about things that people are thinking and feeling, really feeling, not the superficial stuff they spout off when asked? I can't even imagine. It would be one crazy experience that's for sure.
But then again...is the uncertainty also a necessary part of our life. Don't we all feel a little alienated from each other at one time or other in our life? It's normal right? I wish it wasn't. But I guess that's just life. Without uncertainty in our life would it really be as fulfilling and fun as it is. There'd be no anticipation and exhilaration. If you were certain that the cute girl you sit by in math was going to say 'yes' when you asked her to the big dance, it wouldn't be nearly as fun. Think about it. If you were certain that you were going to take first place at your athletic competition would you be as excited when you actually did? All in all, a little uncertainty is good for us. At least that's what I think.
I'm lucky to have this blog, it gives me an outlet. It gives me a way to artistically express myself through words and ideas. Yeah, sure, anyone can create a blog and anyone can write but not everyone does. Some people keep everything just bottled up inside. It eats at ya. I guess this is kind of my chapter. What will your chapter be?
In just a few short weeks, I will be competing in my first cheer competition ever. Needless to say, I'm FREAKED OUT! A couple weeks ago my coaches decided to have me base some stunts and it's still not there yet. All these years of watch the cheerios lift each other so effortlessly (or so it looks) has been real deceiving. It's HARD! The girl that I lift weighs, I swear, like 50 pounds but it's not easy to lift someone from knee level to above-your-head level.
So why did I decide to do something so crazy? Ever since 8th grade I've loved watching the cheerleaders and I wanted to be one soo bad. Everything that they did looked like a blast to me; the dancing, the cheering, the energy. My dad had always been against me trying out because he didn't "guys looking at my like that." Like they would haha. Last year, I was lucky enough to sit by one of my school's cheerleaders every day in my Chemistry class and I think she was one of the reasons I decided to try out. Lindsey really encouraged me to go for it. So did a couple other cheerleaders in the class. They really believed in me and that made me feel like I really could do it. I figured that I didn't have anything to lose by trying out (well, except my dignity if I turned out to be horrible). So I signed my name on the line and I filled out the paper work.
The week of tryouts were a blast. I had not had that much fun in a long time. I loved dancing. Dancing is one of my favorite things and having some real choreography was exciting for me. As fun as it was, it was also extremely exhausting; my body was not used to that kind of exercise. But, I guess, in the end it was all worth it. The day of our 'real' try-out came and we all sat in that hallway waiting for our turn to go in with our group to show the panel of teachers and administrators what we could do. That was definitely the worst part. And the waiting afterwards was just boring because I wasn't really tight friends with any of the girls. After everyone had performed we were lined up and the captains gave us each a flower and a phone number to call later that night to hear the list of girls that were to be cheerleaders.
When I walked through the front door, my mom looked at the flower and says, "Oh, I'm sorry." I asked what she was talking about and she replied, "Isn't it like the bachelor? You get a rose when you don't make it." I laughed at that. We decided that we were going to go out for a girls night while we waited for the time to come to call the number. My dad was out of town for the whole week of try-outs; convenient right? Well, we went out to eat and then sat in the parking lot of the theater (our favorite place) while we called the number. The coach began to name off the names of the girls that made the team. I waited. Then I heard it, my name. I started to scream, squeal, even cry. I was in shock almost. Was this real? I was going to be a cheerleader? Me? Did they really know who I was? I started getting texts from some of the other girls congratulating me and calls too. It was all so surreal.
All this excitement quickly turned into the biggest fear I've experienced since 3rd grade when I found out that I would need to get braces. That's another story. The day before I was to come home from my sister's house to start cheer practice for camp was when it all crashed down on me. I was terrified. I seriously considered running away when I was on my way to my first official practice. I was at a stop light and I looked at my bag and tried to calculate how far I would get with the money in it. Before I had even left my house I'd cried cause I was so scared.
I was scared of looking like a complete idiot and having the coaches regret adding me to the squad or the other girls thinking "Wow, what is this girl doing? We would be so much better without her holding us back." I knew that thinking these things was stupid because I was new and I wouldn't be expected to know everything right away but I was still frightened. This was completely out of my element because I had never done anything like it before. The fact that I wasn't extremely tight with any of the girls and that I felt super inferior to these beautiful and popular girls didn't help matters. I still struggle with that, though it has improved with the friends I've made on the squad.
After a few football games I became a little more comfortable with the whole cheer thing. I didn't feel like such a poser anymore. Soon I began to answer questions that some of the girls had about certain cheers that we did and let me tell you, that made me feel really good. It made me feel like I wasn't the only one that forgot stuff or messed up.
Ever since entering the gym on that first day of practice in the summer, I have tried my hardest to improve and get better at everything that they teach me. I go over cheers in my head all the time and I can often be heard chanting them over and over. I randomly start doing the dances that we learn. I should practice my jumping more that I do, cause Heaven knows I need help there. But I don't ever want my team or my coaches to feel like I'm holding them back. I've had a lot to learn in the past few months, things the other girls have been learning for years. It hasn't been easy but it's worth it.
I'm so happy that I finally decided to go for this dream I've had for so many years. I kind of wish that I had done it sooner so that I wouldn't be such a fish out of water this year. But you know, if I had been a cheerleader all of these years maybe I wouldn't have experienced some of the things that have molded me and made me who I am today? I don't know. All I can say is that I'm proud of my school and I'm happy that I have this amazing opportunity to show my spirit and cheer on my friends in their various sporting events. Years from now, I'll look back and remember my senior year; the year that I was truly involved in school. I'll remember all of the excitement on the sidelines of a football game, all the yelling of the volleyball games, all the basketball, wrestling, everything. I'm making so many new friends this year. And I think the confidence to do so is coming from cheering. What takes more confidence than getting up in front of your school and dancing or cheering? They may make it look easy but it takes a lot of work. If you mess up it kind of sucks. Take it from me. :) But I love it. Cheer is extremely fun. And I want it to stay that way. Thank you to the girls that make it more fun; Tori, Katelyn, Kim, Alyssa, Samantha, Emily,and Kirstyn. And another huge thank you to Lindsey and Nikki for leading us everyday through your example and words.
For Thanksgiving, I went to see Harry Potter again with my parents (in the IMAX) and it was awesome of course. My mom and I are huge lovers of movies. We go ALL the time. Most of my friends ask me about movies because they know that I see everything. Well almost, no R rated ones or risque PG13. But when we were coming home from Harry Potter the first time my mom and I finally realized why we love going to movies so much; it's an escape. For a few hours you can step into the life of someone else. You can be a wizard, a pirate, a bank robber, chief, football star, singer, or a star-crossed lover. The same can be said for books and you all know that I LOVE reading but movies...they're special.
I tend to really get into my movies. My friends always make fun of me because I cry alot. I cried when I watched Letters to Juliet and that movie isn't even sad! But I connect to it, not exactly sure why but I do. I love the music and feel and dialogue and lighting of movies. You don't get that when you read a book.
When the movie Poseidon came out my mom and I were watching it (of course) and when it got to the part where they have to swim underwater for what feels like 5 minutes through the corridors of the upside down ship my mom turns to me and with the most serious face ever says, "I'd just DIE." With this huge emphasis on die. I took a second then burst out laughing. We still use that line to this day. Anytime it gets scary in a movie she says, oh I'd just die. It may not be funny to you but if you know my mom you'll understand. She's hilarious.
Tonight I'm going to see the first part of the last Harry Potter movie! I have been looking forward to this for months. Years even. Harry Potter and I go waaaay back. Let me explain:
It all started when I was about to go into 3rd grade. (Sounds so corny when I say it like that). But throughout second grade and before I HATED learning and reading. I despised ANYthing to do with school. I begged my teacher not to make me go to the library once a week as we did in my school. I argued that I would just forget about the books I checked out and that I'd get these huge fines. I did alright in school but I didn't care about it. Around this time Harry Potter was gaining popularity in the US and I was beginning to hearing a bit about it. There was NO way I was ever going to read that stupid book. It sounded like the biggest waste of my time, I mean come on I could be out making mud pies with my neighbors!
My sister's friend introduced her to the books and let her borrow the first one. For as long as I can remember, my sister read out loud to herself. I would hear the hum of her voice through her door when I'd walk by her room some days. I loved it. Anyway, I was with her when she started reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and from the moment the first sentence was out I was hooked. I remember sitting on the floor staring at her as she read, dreading the moment she would get tired and stop. The adventures that Harry, Ron and Hermione went on were just so exciting to my little 7 year old brain. When she finished the first one I couldn't wait to start the next one.
I checked it out of my school library as fast as I could and devoured it. Finishing in record time for someone as young as I. The 3rd and 4th books soon followed and were finished quickly as well. My teacher began to notice my vocabulary shooting through the roof. I still have the note from her to my parents. I began to love school and learning. I wanted to be smart and a kind of know-it-all. I wanted to be...well..amazing I guess.
Although I love Harry and Ron, Hermione was always my favorite. She always knew the right answer and always knew what to do. But she was also awkward and didn't really know how to act around other people her age. I totally identified with that. I still do. She has two things that I will probably never have and that is two BEST friends that are almost as close as siblings. See, I'm not the type of person to be super close to any one person. I may be close with them and know some about them but I don't know them as well as Harry knows Hermione or Ron knows Harry. For the longest time, I felt so alone; I wanted that kind of friendship. People often ask me how many times I think I've read the Harry Potter books and I honestly can't say because it's uncountable by now. They follow up by asking why I've read it so many times and normally I answer saying it's because they're so good, which is true but there is another reason. It' may seem silly to you but the books were my friend for a long time.
People may look at me and think that I have a bunch of friends, and I do but I don't have that level of friendship. I don't know how to explain it. I feel almost like an outsider looking in when I walk up to a group of my friends. Like I'm not wanted. Mostly that's cause I see how people will be talking about something but will immediately clam up or start to whisper to whoever they were talking to. I feel like they don't want to speak aloud in front of me because they may think that I'll judge them. Which is something I try very hard not to do! I want people to feel like they can tell me things. I want people to know I won't spread around what they tell me.
When I'm reading Harry Potter, I can see myself in their world, I feel what the characters feel. I relate to them. I can empathize with them. When I finish a Potter book, I always feel like there is something missing. Or when one of my favorite characters die, same thing. I don't know how to explain it but it's weird. I'm normally always reading a Harry Potter book on the side just so it's there. So I'm basically an expert on the series :)
I can't wait for this movie. I can't believe it's all really coming to a close. It's been 10 years. The movies have spaned from 3rd grade to after 12th grade for me once Part 2 comes out this summer. How weird is that? Like the books, I don't know how many times I've seen the movies. I love them too, though not as much as the books. They always have to leave some things out that I really enjoyed in the books. But I understand. Tonight is going to be a night to remember for sure and I'm happy to be able to share it with some of my friends. They are truely amazing people.
J.K. Rowling had no idea that simple words that she wrote would ever mean so much to so many people. She's wonderful. Thank you so much Jo.
Choices effect everything in my life. My choice to press the snooze button a few times effected my arrival at seminary and what I missed. My choice to write this post right now is effecting how much time I'll have to do my calculus homework which could be detrimental to my grade (unlikely) which could keep me from college which could keep me from meeting that special guy which could hinder me starting a family. See, things can snowball so quickly. Teenagers don't seem to realize this really simple concept. So many of my friends just act. They don't really think about what could happen as a result of them. They just throw caution to the wind and go. There is a time and a place for such behavior. It's crazy that some of the most important choices that we have to make in our life are made when we are soo young, so immature and so naive. The choices that we make today, tomorrow, next week will set the course of our whole life. The people we hang out with, the activities that we let consume our time. Everything has a consequence, whether it be good or bad. We don't get to pick. Sure you can be all impulsive and crazy but you just have to be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions.
Many people fail to do so, simply brushing things off saying, "so-and-so made me do it." "Everyone else was doing it and I didn't want to be left out." "I couldn't just leave, everyone would laugh at me." "I didn't want to be the outcast." It may be easy to pass the blame on to someone else but it takes a truly courageous person to admit that they made a mistake and to take the steps to set it right. It takes a certain strength that can only be found from within to stand up and shoulder the consequences. It's not easy. Oh goodness no. It's not meant to be. If it was then it wouldn't matter what we did. The whole point of the consequence is for us to learn. For us to grow. Yeah, it's painful but there must be opposition in everything. There can be no happiness without sorrow.
In school I am often teased when I am unwilling to break a rule, in or out of school. People will look at me with teasing eyes and grin and speak down to me like I'm stupid and scared. Heck yeah I'm scared. You never know if the time you break that rule will be the time you get caught. I don't want to risk my great record at school for some stupid action. It may be hard to stand up to those people who are you enemies but it's so much harder to stand up to your friends. To say no to people you trust and who you thought were on your side. I've been out with my friends and felt like a mother. I've even been referred to often as "mother." Do you have any idea who humiliating that is? How much it kills me when someone thinks I'm not good enough (or bad enough) to hang out with them? It sucks. To be torn down for sticking to my morals and what I know is smart is almost too much sometimes. Guys are the worst. When they find out that they won't get anything from me they tend to steer clear of me, almost as if I'm leprous or something. It hurts. I know that in the long run, the hurt and everything I go through for simply thinking about what the outcome of a choice may be will make me stronger but it sure doesn't make dealing with the feeling of being an outcast looking in any better.
Living my life to this standard is...well, it's lonely. Sure, there are others out there who may say they live these same standards but they don't follow through when they're outside the church walls. It's hard to watch my friends leave me behind to watch a movie that I feel is inappropriate. It's hard to be left out of parties and get togethers simply because the people in my life don't want to have to worry about "Bri's standards." That's always at the back of my mind too. When I am invited to movie nights at friends houses I'm always exceptionally reluctant to go because I don't want people there to think I'm this bossy little Mormon girl who is so boring and lame and won't let them do what they want. :(
Luckily, I have an amazing Mommy and Daddy here that help me out everyday. My mom has had to hold me close so many times after a hard day. I know that if I have one of those days that I just can't take anymore I can call my mom and she will take me to a movie to get my mind off of it . I know that my parents will be there for me no matter what, no matter when. I'm so thankful for that. I don't know where I would be without them.
So Jostens came to my school today to meet with the senior class. *Sigh* Jostens takes care of all of our senior orders of graduation announcements and our cap and gowns. We have less that 200 school days till we graduate. I can't believe it. It all seems so....weird. I keep thinking that I'm not old enough for this, I'm not old enough to move out and grow up. I'm still just a kid with hardly anything figured out, no matter what other people think about me. In only 8 months I'm going to be walking out of my high school's doors for the last time. 13 years of schooling. 13 years of learning. 13 years of stress, laughter, highs and lows. I look back on Jr. High, I look back on Elementary, I look back on last year; I've grown so much and yet it all seems like just yesterday.
Although I am SOO excited to really begin my life I'm also dreading graduation because then it'll be over. The high school experience will be at its end. So many people out there hate everything to do with high school but I'm the total opposite. I love going to school. There is going to be so much that I'm going to miss next year. So much I will look back on and want to relive. So much that I wish I was still experiencing.
I'm going to miss sitting in my car before school either sleeping or jammin to some Taylor Swift or Bruno Mars. I'm going to miss seeing that full parking lot every afternoon (weird I know). I'm going to miss walking down the hall in the morning seeing people who are still obviously half asleep. I'm going to miss saying good morning to my friends as I pass them in the early hours of the day. I'm going to miss opening my locker to see an abundance of pictures on the inside. I'm going to miss standing by the lockers talking to my friends before going to class. I'm going to miss sitting in my classes totally spacing out then completely missing what the teacher just said and freaking out. I'm going to miss visiting with those guys that make me smile when I just want to cry. I'm going to miss screaming and sweeping my girl friends into giant hugs when I'd seen them minutes before. I'm going to miss my teachers that try so hard to be our friend as well as our instructor. I'm going to miss laughing so hard that I almost cry at something someone in my class randomly said in the middle of class. I'm going to miss dancing into my second period class every morning.
I'm going to miss skipping out on classes (with my teachers permission) only to go see Mrs. Stewart, Mr.White, or Mr. Kennedy. I'm going to miss watching movies in class and laughing at the bad acting. I'm going to miss the excitement everyone always feels when they see that the Banjo Man is their sub. I'm going to miss football games. I'm going to miss cheering for my boys under the Friday night lights. I'm going to miss the thrill and excitement of performing for my school. I'm going to miss the assemblies (especially pep) because of the energy in the room. I'm going to miss dancing down on the track before a football game or during our break at halftime. I'm going to miss going out with my friends on the weekends. I'm going to miss riding the bus with the football players.
I'm going to miss standing in the parking lot after school talking around my car. I'm going to miss hanging out in the training room laughing with everyone in there. I'm going to miss going to movies with my friends. I'm going to miss eating lunch with my friends. I'm going to miss going into the student store and the staff knowing exactly what I want before I even get to the counter. I'm going to miss watching the lunch games that are supposed to happen every Friday but never do. :) I'm going to miss spirit days! I'm going to miss having an excuse to dress like a maniac. I'm going to miss the formal dances and going crazy on the floor. I'm going to miss the everyday moments that can never be repeated or recreated.
I'm going to miss being in awe of Koki's projects for AP. I'm going to miss hearing "Bri Rogers, There she is!" in the halls. I'm going to miss late nights watching scary movies with Alyx curled into a ball on my hip. I'm going to miss slingin' my arm around Erica's shoulder in seminary and calling her Martha. I'm going to miss watching John and Erik play soccer. I'm going to miss seeing Booth jam to techno. I'm going to miss Michael Smith's crazy wordy questions. I'm going to miss Amanda's tic tac toe games. I'm going to miss giving Garrett dirty faces in the morning. I'm going to miss scolding Tori for copying my rallying at games. I'm going to miss yelling at Daniel's foot when I attempt to tape it. I'm going to miss laughing with Pele and Kyessa in government over something stupid that I didn't mean to say. I'm going to miss seeing everyone that I love everyday. I'm going to miss these amazing people that make up the highs and the lows of my life. I'm going to miss the people that make me laugh, who comfort me when I'm down, who wrap me up in hugs when I'm almost falling apart, who choose to talk to me when they could be talking to someone else. I'm going to miss the family of Eagles I see everyday.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I get some ridicule. But mostly I just get lots of questions. So I thought I would just put some of them to rest and set the record straight as to what I believe and what moral standard I live my life by. :) So here goes.
I was born into a LDS family and I love it. Although my extended family are not all members it's still pretty awesome. Many people think that just because I was born into the religion that I don't really think for myself and that I'm forced to go and that I only go because it's all I've ever known. That's only partially true. True I don't know anything else. But I love it. I know it to be true, for myself. I have found out for myself that the church is true. I don't rely on my parents belief in the church. I want to stay active. I want to be apart of my Savior's church. I want to live my life in accordance with the teachings of the church.
Many people think Mormon and say, "Oh so how many moms do you have?" or "You must have a BUNCH of siblings!" Ugh. Come on people. Mormons DO NOT practice polygamy. That was a part of our church in the very early days of it. The early saints moved west in order to escape the intense religious persecution that they were receiving in the East and many men went to fight for the United States when they were asked. So there were women in the West who lost their husbands in the fighting. They were alone in this new and uncharted place, often with children. They had no way to support themselves. Some men were asked to take on another wife in order to support her and take care of her. This lasted a very short time. It wasn't like every man was suddenly able to get with as many women as he wanted. Anyway, if a member of the church tried to marry more than one woman today, he'd get excommunicated. In other words, he would no longer be a member of the church. And the sibling thing...not everyone has a bunch of siblings within the church. The only reason many members have multiple children is because family is such a huge part of our church. But it's not so normal as it was before to have large families. I only have 2 siblings, for example. Though both are married with 2 kids each. Haha. But seriously, family is really important to members of the church. We're counseled to build a strong family through things like family home evening (often on Monday nights), family meals, family scripture study and prayer. And just have fun together.
A lot of my friends know that I don't like it when people curse around me. I've been counseled throughout my life to keep my language clean because offensive words will drive away the Spirit or Holy Ghost; it will make my Heavenly Father uncomfortable. I have done just that. It's not easy when you have to go to school everyday with teenagers who can't say one sentence without a swear word. I'm lucky to have great non-member friends who respect me enough to work at not swearing around me. In 9th grade I met a guy who had a mouth like a sailor but we became friends in our math class and he came to know that I didn't like hearing certain words. He was wonderful at keeping his language clean around me. There were times when he would slip up but he'd look sheepishly at me and apologize. I didn't see him again until my junior year in chemistry class. He remembered where I stood and he remembered what he had to do. Over this past weekend I went out with a bunch of my guy friends and he was there. He must have sworn because another one of my guy friends said, "Hey don't swear around Bri." And he replied, "Oh I know, she's Mormon. I had her in 9th grade." Another guy heard this exchange and when he said something he knew he shouldn't he would immediately change what he had said and say sorry. I love that.
Dating is a huge one for me. There have been times when I'm walking down the hall with a guy and when they leave my other friends will start asking if we're "talking" (that would be code for being close to being a couple, yeah it's weird haha). I always laugh and say no. I don't want a boyfriend. When I say that to someone their eyes always get big and they say "Oh! Why not? You guys would make a cute couple!" I simply say that I enjoy being friends with everyone and I don't want that kind of pressure in my life. Especially right now. I don't want to feel guilty if I talk to another guy. I don't want to feel like I have to worry about someone else all the time. At this time of my life I know that I just need to learn and have a variety of friends in my life. In the For the Strength of the Youth pamphlet that my church produces there is a section on dating and it counsels the youth of the church to avoid singling off and steady dating. I totally agree with that. So many of my friends have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I always feel like I can't go hang out with or talk to guys that have girlfriends because I don't want to make their girlfriend mad at me or something like that. And I know that when guys think I'm taken they don't approach me. I don't want that to happen. I want to talk to everyone. I want to be able to go hang out with everyone. I don't want to limit myself to one person.
Earlier I mentioned the Spirit. In my church we believe in Heavenly Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost as three separate beings. The Spirit is kind of hard to explain. It's a person but also a feeling. Some people refer to him as your conscious. When I feel the Spirit I feel comfort, peace, joy, happiness. Basically every good feeling out there. I love having that feeling in my life. I don't feel those things when I watch an inappropriate movie, listen to offensive music or hang out with the wrong crowd. I try to always do what I'm supposed to do because I love how I feel when I have the Spirit. He will not stay with me if I'm not living as my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ would want me to live.
I love my religion. I don't know what kind of person I would be without it. I don't know how I would act or what I would want from life. All I know is that I wouldn't want to live without it. I know that what I'm being taught and what I have been taught is and did come from my Heavenly Father. I know that I'm His daughter and that He loves me. I know that He has counted all the tears I've shed and that He will be speaking to some guys because of them. :) Seriously now, I know that my Savior died for me and through Him I can return to Heaven. I know that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ and that the word written within are true. I know that Joseph Smith could not have simply fabricated that book. I know that he really was called of God to reorganize Jesus Christ's church on the earth again. I know that there is a prophet on the earth today and his name is Thomas S. Monson. I know that if I live the standards that I've been counseled to live by I will be just fine. I know that everything will work out. I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true. Simple as that.
Well, it's that time again. Elections. Oh goodness. I can't wait for them to be over. I swear I've seen thousands of commercials for the candidates and I gotta tell you, I just get more and more ticked off. They say that the public doesn't care about the ads that the candidates explain their own views rather than attack the other but I gotta tell you, right now I'd rather have the former. The attacks that these people are launching at each other are so....unprofessional. It makes me feel like I'm watching a couple of children fight. It's annoying.
I wish it was possible to do away with party classifications, which I know will never happen. The way I see it, so many Americans are hung up on what party someone is affiliated with. People hear such and such is a Republican, a Democrat, or an Independent and they immediately form a bias. If instead, we actually just went off of what someone stood by rather than their party, I think that the people of America would be better off. In my government class we've watched some documentaries about different elections and there are people who are yelling and screaming at each other. The party divisions are so horrible. Why can't people just hold their own opinions yet still be understanding and mature about hearing other peoples' opinions? I know it's hard to set aside your pride and listen but it can be done. I hold very different beliefs and values than many of the other students that go to my school and the other people in this world but I try to treat people as I would want to be treated. No one wants to be yelled at. No one wants to be hated. Yeah, it's hard and no one is perfect but everyone can try to be kind and peaceful when they talk to people who hold different values close.
Politicians are people just like you and me. They have families and lives. They have problems. They're not perfect. They make mistakes (sometimes big, sometimes small). They're human. I may not like what some of them are doing with the power they have been given but I don't want to hate them. It's hard to hate a person when you realize you've never met them, you don't know all the circumstances of a discision or you finally realize that they're human too. For example, when President Obama does something that I feel was really stupid for our country I try to think about what the Bush daughters wrote to the Obama girls that really makes the President seem normal, " He is not a sketch on a paper or part of a skit on TV. Many people will think they know him, but they have no idea what he felt when you were born, the pride he felt on your first day of school, or how much you both love being his daughters. So here is our most important piece of advice: Remember who your dad is." That to me, makes me think of how I would feel if someone I'd never met (thousands of someones) was attacking my dad on a daily basis. I know I wouldn't be okay with that. Would you?
I walked into my AP Government class today expecting to have a great class period. My friend Kyessa was back from a trip she went on and we had a sub. Basically the formula for a perfect period. The sub lets us talk for a little bit, the normal "How ya doing? Oh I'm good...blah blah blah" business goes on. But the moment the words "You're going to watch a movie today." Comes out of her mouth I'm immediately on edge. I've come to realize that movies in school are no longer safe to just assume are clean. Which is sad. I knew that most likely I would be walking out of the class.
So we began this movie called 'Recount'. I thought it was going to be a documentary but then I saw Kevin Spacey so I knew it was a movie movie so I wanted to see the movie cover to find out the rating. A friend of mine looked up the ratin on his iPod and found out it was not rated because it was a made for HBO movie. (That right there should've warned me). So I kinda sat there thinking alright. Let's see. STUPID! Ugh. I should've left earlier. Anyway, there was this one character who obviously loved the F word and he used it as much as he can. Now I know that the Motion Picture Association of America has deemed that any movie with 2 or more uses of the F word is to be rated R. I wasn't going to sit and listen to that garbage.
I stood up right there and walked over to the sub and asked her if I could leave and she told me that I couldn't leave till someone else came back. I then told her that I wasn't going to sit there and wait for the other kid to come back because I thought that movie was offensive. She let me go. I would never let a teacher try to make me stay in a class through a movie like that. They have no authority to make me watch a movie that I believe to be offensive; I'd just leave.
I'll bet you that many of the people in that class thought that I was stupid to get offended and leave the class. They probably thought, "Oh wow, she's dumb. Can't even take a little swearing. She's such a goody-goody." And if they think that then I guess I don't want them in my life either. My real friends would respect my beliefs and feelings. So hopefully I have some.
I've always thought that cursing is not an effective way to communicate. In my opinion, it shows a lack of knowledge, a lack of education. I think that you can get your point across just fine without resorting to swearing. It's not hard to refrain from using those words. I do it. I've made the choice to not swear. I would love if no one in the world cursed but I'm not stupid. All I ask is that people respect me enough to try to not curse around me. That's it. No one is with me 24/7 so is it really that much to ask? And I don't expect perfection in this either, I know people make mistakes but at least apologize perhaps? Please guys. Just keep it clean around me. :)
I'm listening to "I'm Only Me When I'm With You" by Taylor Swift and dang, I'm hooked. And you can listen to it too if you scroll to the bottom of the page and look in my playlist. :) I know it's more geared towards friends and loves but I like to think of it as more family oriented. I'm sure I have people in my life who think they know me. Who think they know what I think about this or that but I don't think there are many people who really know who I am. Except my family. I'm an unpredictable person.
I can only think of one person who has been in my life for almost as long as I've been alive and he's pretty good at knowing me. He moved in across the street from me when I was about 6 or 7 and we basically grew up together. Ah there were so many times when I'd come running to my mom crying about something we'd fought over. Haha, never phased him. As we grew up, we did kind of start to grow apart. Seeing each other less and less. His family just moved a few weeks ago and I'm terrified that I will not have him in my life anymore. He's like a little brother to me. He'd like to think that he's the big sibling here simply because he dwarfs me but no, I'm older. :) Anyway, it sucks to not have him across the street anymore. I don't feel as safe as I did because I knew that if I heard some freaky noise down the hall I could call him and he'd come kill whatever was in the house. Haha. We had some great times growing up. Lots of memories there.
Anyway, other than Jeremy and maybe a few others plus family. I don't think many people know the real me. I knew a guy once who talked to me for months only to end up tearing me to shreds, saying things about me that didn't reflect who I am or what standard I live my life by. Needless to say, I felt beaten by that experience. But I look at it now and realize it's not my fault. If he had actually known who I was he would've realized what he was saying was so false.
My family is amazing. My mom is one of my best friends. She's crazy and quirky just like me. We love going to movies as often as possible. We love to sing glee music. I'm totally me when I'm with her. And the rest of my family too. They bring out both the best and worst in me. But I guess that's what happens when you're family. What's the saying? We're meanest to the people we love the most? Yeah, that's the wrong word. But you know what I mean. I would definately not be the person I am today without my family. I love them all so much.
My life is like a roller coaster and that's what makes it fun. It would suck if my life was always one speed and one altitude. I love the craziness of my life. I love the ups and the downs (as crazy as that sounds). I catch myself sometimes, wishing that my life would just be exciting and adventurous but when some drama comes into my life that would make for an awesome teen movie I just want things to go back to normal. How lame is that? I gotta just be happy with what is happening. Easier said than done.
My sister is 11 years older than me so you can imagine what it was like to grow up with a sibling so much older than me. I can understand now why she didn't really want me around all the time even though I didn't at the time. But I always knew my sister loved me to death.
My Jenn always loved to read, I remember walking out of my room and hearing the hum of her voice behind her closed door animating the words from some novel she was reading. I would often peak into the room to see her laying on her back, feet up on the heater with a book raised above her face. I always loved seeing her read although I'm not sure why. The picture of it has stayed with me this long so it must have meant something to me. This love of reading was passed to me when I was going into 3rd grade. I don't know if she knows or not but I attribute my love of reading to her almost solely. You see, my sister would read Harry Potter to me. She would read chapter after chapter. Now you have to understand, Harry Potter chapters are LONG and my sister was just finishing her senior year of high school at this time so she obviously had much better or cooler things she could have been doing. But no, she would sit downstairs with me and read for hours. I never wanted her to quit.
Later that year, my big sister took me to my first (and only, so far) concert. NSYNC. She had hooked me on them too when I was really little. I remember watching documentaries that our cousin had taped for us with her. But I was so excited to go. You have no idea how excited I was. I think we have a picture of me sitting on her lap just hugging the living daylights out of her.
As the years have gone by my friendship with my sister has grown stronger and stronger. When she left for college I hated it. I wanted her to come home so much. When she got married to this hunky guy from Idaho (who, by the way, is like 20 feet taller than her), I was happy for her and excited but I was sad at the same time because that was it. She was no longer going to come live with me anymore. She was growing up too. She was starting her own life. But then she started to have babies. :) It was amazing. Although, we sometimes fight still. A few summers ago she tried to set me up on a date when I came to visit her and I didn't want to. I was so headstrong and stupid. A year after that I was in contact with the very person she wanted to set me up with and we had become friends. Haha, she is a smart cookie.
This past summer holds some of my favorite memories of me and my sister. We're at that point now that we're really good friends and we can talk about anything. I spent about a month with her and her family. I had a blast. She would wake me up in the morning singing "Rise and Shine and sing out your glory, glory!" at the very top of her lungs. She would get me to work out with her (yeah, she's talented). She taught me how to quilt and was patient enough to get me through it. She would do my makeup (She's a GENIUS!) and hair. She helped me find really cute clothes. We had so much fun together. Laughing at Audrina and her boyfriend on the Hills. Making obscure Friends references. Staying up real late then wakin up real early.
Jenn really is the best sister a teen like me could have. I know that she's always there when I need her and I take advantage of that. She's everything that I want to be when I grow up. An amazing wife and mother. I've never met someone like her. She's a spiritual giant (which is saying a lot because she's barely over 5 feet.) and an amazing guide to her children. She's changed over the years but you know what? She's still my sister and her changes are not bad. Words just can't really describe her. Or do her justice. I'm so lucky to have her. I wish she lived closer so that we could be together more but I guess the saying is true, time (and distance) make the heart grow fonder. :)
Today is kind of a surreal and somber day for the students that go to my high school. It's also an eye-opening one. Sadly we lost one of our school's population to teasing and hurtful words. What has the world come to when we're loosing so many of our youth and population in general to such a simply changed thing? Why can't people look beyond themselves and reach out? I'll admit I'm still working on that myself. I have my good days and my bad days. But I'm ashamed to say that I have been a jerk to people in my past and I regret it. There are times when you just can't take it anymore and you snap on someone; you know what I'm talking about, you've been there too. It's hard to take a step back from what's happening to you and think about what someone else may be feeling or going through in their life at that moment.
I was thinking this morning about ways that I could work on how I treat other people in my life. Mainly the ones that just get under my skin. Those people who just grate on your patience, you know? I was thinking about how everyone is a child of God and I took it literally. What if, when someone says something to me or does something to me that I deem to be ridiculous or rude, I thought of them as a child. A innocent little toddler perhaps. How much harder would it be to snap on them? How much easier would it be to treat them with kindness? I'm not saying that we should think of them as children in order to feel superior to them or anything of that nature.
On facebook there is an event coming up called Erase the Hate. I encourage everyone out there to join the cause and get out there and erase the hate. Do you know how much could actually get done in this world if we didn't hate? Do you know how amazing life would be? Do you know how happy we would all be? We may not agree with choices made by others but we should not hate them or whatever just because they make a choice we don't like. It's not our place to judge those people around us. Let's all put away our gavels huh?
Take a step...right now...take a step towards understanding. Towards love and peace. Have some faith and reach out. Smile to those people you pass in the street, store, hall. Say a kind word to someone. Stand up for someone. Be a hero. It's not difficult once you start. It just takes that one step to start running. Everyone has to start somewhere. Being a hero gets easier with every heroic act you commit. You can do it.
I'm starting now. I swear to do my best to brighten people's days. There is a scripture in the Book of Mormon that perfectly sums up what must be done. It can be found in the book of Mosiah, "are willing to bear one another's burden, that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort..."
Oh the joys of moving up in the world....application after application. For college, jobs, scholarships, ect. Who doesn't love filling out endless amounts of paperwork? I know I do (please note the sarcasm). But I do love the feeling that I'm really growing up, I'm becoming self-sufficient albeit in a very small way. Haha. But I'm excited for what these applications might lead to...COLLEGE! People say that the best years of your life are high school but I'm not so sure. I know I've had an amazing past 3 almost 4 years though I think that college will be even better. I'm truly hoping that people are a little more mature than what they are now in high school. The best part is that my sister (one of my absolute best friends in the whole world) lives in the town where I want to go to college. I can't wait to be able to see her whenever I want to. And probably babysit for her. I can't believe I just said that...since when do I babysit? But I would do it for her. Her kids are so cute. So are my brother's. Dang I've got cute nieces and a handsome little nephew.
If you can't tell, I'm in a really great mood today. Music seems to have that affect on me. Right now I'm listening to Don't Go Breakin My Heart as performed by Finn and Rachel from Glee. Yes, I am a Gleek..though I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to watch it. The last episode was a little....risque. Anyway, the Glee songs are amazing, sometimes even better than the original in my opinion. Listening to Glee music can always make me feel a little gleeful. Yeah that was cheesy but whatever. So these two pictures you see right here are the reason I love the show so much. Well besides the music. On the left is Mr.Shue. Yeah, I wish everyone had a teacher as dedicated and awesome as him. The facts that he's gorgeous and has an amazing voice don't hurt matters. ;) On the right are Finn and Rachel. I've been rooting for this couple all along. Rachel is kinda crazy and Finn is one of the mellowest guys out there but when they're together it's perfect. They have an amazing chemistry. And they're so cute. I always smile when they sing together or at each other. Everyone else? Eh, they're okay. But these three are definitely the best. Hands down.
Wow, now I have no idea what to title this post. I started out with college and applications and segwayed very sharply into Glee. Oh my, I'm such a random person. But I guess that makes me who I am right? No one is normal or that sort of thing for everyone can't be the same. And who has the right to judge normal anyway? Wow, there I go again switching gears. Have a great night everyone. :)
I was walking past my parents room a few minutes ago and I noticed a book on their bed. I love books so I stopped to investigate. It was a copy of the childrens story You Are Special by Max Lucado. I love this little book. I've heard it many times and the message always hits home for me and I can't wait to have children so I can read it to them too. Everyone in the world should read this little book, or so I think. :)
The story is about this little wooden creature called a Wemmick by the name of Punchinello (yes, the names are one of the reasons why I love the book). Anyway, these little beings live in this village by a hill. On the hill lives the woodworker named Eli, remember that. Every one of the Wemmicks are different in both appearance and ability.
Every day these little wooden men and women go out and stick stickers on each other. They all have star and grey dot stickers. When the Wemmicks see a particularly pretty or talented Wemmick they put a star sticker on them. But when the Wemmicks see another Wemmick with chipped paint, oddly proportioned body parts or who lack skills that they deam impressive they stick a grey dot on them. Well, our little Punchinello isn't handsome or talented so he's covered in grey dots. He becomes so disheartened that he doesn't even want to leave his home for fear of getting more dots stuck to him.
One day he meets this unique Wemmick who has no stars or grey dots anywhere on her person. Punchinello is astonished to find that even when other little wooden people try to put stickers on her they just fall off. Curious, he asks her why this happens to her. She tells him to go talk to the woodworker on the hill and he would find out. Of course, Punchinello has never met the woodworker so naturally he doesn't know if he should go talk to him, what if he doesn't want to see Punchinello? Eventually he decides to climb the hill to talk to the woodworker.
Eli, the woodworker, greets Punchinello like a long lost son. He explains to Punchinello that it doesn't matter what the other Wemmicks think, it only matters what he thinks about Punchinello. Well what does he think you may ask? I'm not even going to summarize this part cause I think it's the most touching part of the whole book. Okay, I might summarize a little bit. Haha. But anyway this is it.
"What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."
"Me, special? Why? I can't walk fast. I can't jump. My paint is peeling. Why do I matter to you?"
"Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me."
"Remember you are special because I made you. And I don't make mistakes."
Basically the whole point of this story is that it doesn't matter what the world thinks about us. It doesn't matter if your hair doesn't fall just the right way or that you've got a pimple on your face or that you just can't make that shoot or that you never seem to know the right answer in your chemistry class, the only thing that matters is that you are the son or daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves you very much. He doesn't make mistakes, you are everything in His eyes. You may not think He listens to you or that He cares but he does. He knows what you go through and He feels saddness and pain when you do too. He is there for us, we've simply to reach out to him. Once we start to see ourselves as he sees us then we will begin to care less and less about what the world says or thinks. Sure things will still be hard but they'll become just that much more bearable.
There are a few things that have me scratching my head at the moment.....ONE: why people (teens) are so disrespectful to people who are simply trying to help them. TWO: why people don't think about the consequences of their actions. THREE: how in the world I'm going to finish everything I need to finish.
One... I've been in school for a while now and I've been on a few different sports teams. I think it's safe to say that I have a pretty firm grasp on what it's like to have a good teacher or coach. I've had some really great teachers/coaches...and I've had some not so good ones. Sometimes you get that one instructor that is pretty tough on ya, really trying to get the best performance and results out of you, that one person that really knows how to push you. At first glance they may seem kinda harsh or scary but if you take a step back and think, "hey this is a person just like me who has problems and a life outside of this room or gym or whatever. I'm not perfect so I can't expect them to be," then it becomes so much easier to understand where the person is coming from when they are telling you to do something. Normally when a teacher or coach is stern with you they know something that you don't know, for example a chemistry teacher may be stern with you about the burners you are using because he knows that if you don't do things exactly how he instructs you may get hurt. As teenagers we like to think that we know everything and when we're corrected or reprimanded we immediately think "Oh this teacher/coach sucks at what they do." That is SO WRONG! People that react that way totally bug me. A great student knows that they need to be humble in order to truly become great. The only way to get better at anything is to listen to people who are devoting their personal time to helping you. They don't have to help you, no one is making them show up everyday to teach you or coach you; they could quit. No one knows everything, especially teenagers, even if you have been doing something for years and years. Yeah you might know a lot of stuff but you know what? Does it really hurt you to be humble and try new things when requested by those people who are giving up their time to instruct you? Nope. And in the long run, adopting the attitude of 'I'm so much better than what this person is making me do. They don't know what they're talking about...blah, blah, blah,' you're only hurting yourself because you can't improve on anything.
TWO....why don't people think about what will happen if they make a choice? A long time ago I heard this little thing about consequences of your actions. Imagine there is a stick lying on the ground and you pick it up. Well, by picking up one end of this stick you also have to pick up the other end. There's no getting around it. So basically when you make a choice (pick up the stick) you're also agreeing to recieve the consequences (the other end of the stick) whether they be good or bad. You can't choose the consequences of your actions, that's impossible because no one can predict the future. Although it's really great to live by the phrase Carpe Diem it's also wise to think through what you're deciding to do. Think about how it might turn out if you decide to pass on some information that you're not completly sure is accurate to people in your class. Think about what might happen if you decide to smile at that stranger in the hall who always seems a little sad. Please everyone just think!
THREE.... oh my goodness! There is soo much that needs to be done! So little time! I have about a month to get my Personal Progress done (a program that my church does for the women and girls, it's really really cool) so that I can get my medallion. I need to fine tune my piano solo for Young Women in Excellence (another church program :). I've got to figure out how to apply to BYU...soon. I'll get that one alright. I need to apply to get some scholarships cause I really want some money for college. I want to be crazy good at all the classes I'm taking this year and I want to pass all my AP tests in the spring so I need to start now. Whooo, you tired yet? I am. I need to get my leg feeling better so I can work on jumping again. I need to deep clean my room. I need to pick out my senior picture for the yearbook by friday. Oh my...Come on girl! You can do this. Haha.
Well, that's my rant for today. I hope everyone has had a great day today. It's real nice outside, go enjoy the sun on your face. Not much more of that will we get. :)
About a year ago, I started a blog that was about how I live my life with standards that are pretty different. Life became kinda busy for me and I slowly forgot to write and eventually I just deleted the whole thing. This time, I'm going to try a little harder to keep it up.
About a year ago my life was pretty different than what it is now. If someone had approached me and said that I would be where I am now then I would've laughed at them. Last year, I was pretty settled into my life; I kept to myself a lot, pretty quiet, reading a lot, hanging out with really only one person. It was a pretty good life and I was happy. But today, I try to be around many different people and personalities, I'm a cheerleader at my high school (something I've NEVER done before, that's a story for another time), I'm more outgoing and confident. I'm not saying that my old life was crap or that my new life is peachy keen. It's not. I have problems and worries. Life is messy and unpredictable but you know what? It's so worth it. Really.
About a year ago, I thought I could handle anything that life threw at me and that I had everything figured out. I've really grow over this past year. I've realized that I can't handle everything life throws at me. And I don't need to. I can have a break down, I can freak out. I've just realized that it's not about the "freak out" it's about how I bounce back. It's about how I handle what I'm given. Last year, I thought I had everything on my horizon totally mapped out but nothing I thought I would have going a year from then is not actually happening now. Now, I don't like to call things, not even the outcome of a game. Maybe I'm afraid of disappointment, probably. But I like to think it's because I've realized I can't predict anything. And...I don't want to. Where's the fun in knowing exactly how things will turn out?
So here I go again. This is my senior year of high school. My last year before I begin "real life." Enjoy. :)