Choices effect everything in my life. My choice to press the snooze button a few times effected my arrival at seminary and what I missed. My choice to write this post right now is effecting how much time I'll have to do my calculus homework which could be detrimental to my grade (unlikely) which could keep me from college which could keep me from meeting that special guy which could hinder me starting a family. See, things can snowball so quickly. Teenagers don't seem to realize this really simple concept. So many of my friends just act. They don't really think about what could happen as a result of them. They just throw caution to the wind and go. There is a time and a place for such behavior. It's crazy that some of the most important choices that we have to make in our life are made when we are soo young, so immature and so naive. The choices that we make today, tomorrow, next week will set the course of our whole life. The people we hang out with, the activities that we let consume our time. Everything has a consequence, whether it be good or bad. We don't get to pick. Sure you can be all impulsive and crazy but you just have to be prepared to accept the consequences of your actions.
Many people fail to do so, simply brushing things off saying, "so-and-so made me do it." "Everyone else was doing it and I didn't want to be left out." "I couldn't just leave, everyone would laugh at me." "I didn't want to be the outcast." It may be easy to pass the blame on to someone else but it takes a truly courageous person to admit that they made a mistake and to take the steps to set it right. It takes a certain strength that can only be found from within to stand up and shoulder the consequences. It's not easy. Oh goodness no. It's not meant to be. If it was then it wouldn't matter what we did. The whole point of the consequence is for us to learn. For us to grow. Yeah, it's painful but there must be opposition in everything. There can be no happiness without sorrow.
In school I am often teased when I am unwilling to break a rule, in or out of school. People will look at me with teasing eyes and grin and speak down to me like I'm stupid and scared. Heck yeah I'm scared. You never know if the time you break that rule will be the time you get caught. I don't want to risk my great record at school for some stupid action. It may be hard to stand up to those people who are you enemies but it's so much harder to stand up to your friends. To say no to people you trust and who you thought were on your side. I've been out with my friends and felt like a mother. I've even been referred to often as "mother." Do you have any idea who humiliating that is? How much it kills me when someone thinks I'm not good enough (or bad enough) to hang out with them? It sucks. To be torn down for sticking to my morals and what I know is smart is almost too much sometimes. Guys are the worst. When they find out that they won't get anything from me they tend to steer clear of me, almost as if I'm leprous or something. It hurts. I know that in the long run, the hurt and everything I go through for simply thinking about what the outcome of a choice may be will make me stronger but it sure doesn't make dealing with the feeling of being an outcast looking in any better.
Living my life to this standard is...well, it's lonely. Sure, there are others out there who may say they live these same standards but they don't follow through when they're outside the church walls. It's hard to watch my friends leave me behind to watch a movie that I feel is inappropriate. It's hard to be left out of parties and get togethers simply because the people in my life don't want to have to worry about "Bri's standards." That's always at the back of my mind too. When I am invited to movie nights at friends houses I'm always exceptionally reluctant to go because I don't want people there to think I'm this bossy little Mormon girl who is so boring and lame and won't let them do what they want. :(
Luckily, I have an amazing Mommy and Daddy here that help me out everyday. My mom has had to hold me close so many times after a hard day. I know that if I have one of those days that I just can't take anymore I can call my mom and she will take me to a movie to get my mind off of it . I know that my parents will be there for me no matter what, no matter when. I'm so thankful for that. I don't know where I would be without them.